I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be. And yes, I know what most of you are thinking – you’re thinking, come on ‘Murt’, that’s cheating, you’re copying bits out of the King James bible and passing it off as your own material and that’s just not on. But hey, let me tell you that this phrase is mine! It’s an original, 100% bona fide ‘Murt’ quotation! In fact, that James dude stole it from me, King or no King! I was thinking about suing him at the time but to be fair his stories have been turned into the most printed book in the history of the World so I thought I’d let it go. At least my quote is being read by billions of people out there now, so that’s not bad is it?
Anyway, I’m going off track a bit. I do that I’m afraid. It happens when you’ve been around for as long as I have, something to do with an immense backlog of memories knocking around in the old noggin. It can clutter my mind up at times making it easy to meander off on a totally different train of thought than the one I had originally intended to travel on.
So where was I? Ah yes – the introduction. Of me. To you. And this is important so please pay attention! My name is ‘Murt’ and my existence on this world as a superior being has been in perpetuity. I was the first I think. Of course, nowadays there’s quite a few superior beings, all milling around the ether getting on each other’s nerves, but as far as I can remember I was the first. And by my definition that makes me the best!
As I’ve mentioned I’m known as ‘Murt’. It should actually be MIRT, but the humans, being a species of limited intellect and rather staggering literal interpretation, didn’t write it down correctly. Can you believe that?! I am a 'Maverick Intellectual Roaming Traveller' and we’re known as 'MIRTs'. I say “we’re known as” but truth be told we’re rather unique and there’s only 2 others like me that I know of. However, when I first assumed corporeal form as a hound I was immediately picked up by a dog warden and dumped straight into a rescue for rehoming. And even though I planted my name in the mind of the person who had been assigned to deal with me the stupid fool wrote it as ‘Murt’.
Still, I’ve become quite fond of it over time. I tell the other supreme beings that yes, there might be a couple of other MIRTs but I’m the only ‘Murt’ in existence! I also tell them that the U stands for unique. Or if I feel like showing off I say it stands for ubiquitous to reflect my omnipient presence. And when they’re getting on my nerves I tell them that it stand for utopian and that the humans named me with a U because they recognised in me the perfection that they are all striving to attain themselves. That really gets to them, I can tell! I know as supreme beings we’re supposed to rise above certain things but hey, when you live amongst humans as I do you can’t help picking up a few bad habits!
Anyway, I’m pretty sure I know what’s going through your head right about now. You’re thinking ‘well, that’s all well and good ‘Murt’, but the acronym only works if you speak English.’ And you’d be right because yes, I do speak English. I speak all languages if you must know, but as you, simple reader, are reading this in English what would be the point of me creating an acronym in another language? No point whatsoever - I think I’ve argued my case sufficiently, so let us move on!
What you should have been thinking of course is ‘why a hound ‘Murt’? When you assumed corporeal form why did you become a hound and not a human?’ And I will forgive you for thinking that because you are, after all, only human yourselves! As a supreme being I find the foibles of other species fascinating and the human trait that you all assume that you are at the top of the evolutionary ladder would be quite endearing if it wasn’t so embarrassingly arrogant and tragically far from the truth! I am a superior being! I have the power to turn myself into anything. You heard me - anything! So why on earth would I want to turn myself into a mere human? Throughout human history we have seen evidence of unspeakable behaviours. Humans have the ability to be evil, selfish, greedy, self-serving and manipulative. Sure, there are plenty of examples of humans who have done good but for each one of those I’ll show you an example of at least 2 who have done bad.
So no, I wouldn’t want to be a human for all the tea in China! Dogs are superior to all living creatures on earth because dogs are modelled after me as the first being. There are a vast number of humans who ridiculously believe that they were made in the image of the superior being and that really does make me laugh! Humans are capable of wanton destruction and despicable cruelty - does that sound like a superior being to you? No, it does not!
So, my friends, this is who I am. And this is my story……
Copyright of JD Jones
Copyright of JD Jones